Today was a day of thinking...

BEWARE...very long post ahead!

Today i kinda had a small break down in the shower. No, not a crying break down...but i started really thinking about Hannah going to Pre-K. I've been thinking about it for a while and i know she's one of the youngest ones in her class. I guess what REALLY got me thinking was yesterday. I asked her to count to 10. She said "1,2,3,7,8,9,10". Now, she's counted before...but lately i think she has her mind blocked from 4,5, & 6. So i started to really get worried. The reason this whole thing started was because i went to pick her up the other day and one little girl in her class was cutting out hearts and writing letters or maybe even her name on it. She seems SOO mature and she is really tall too. I FREAKED OUT! Am I a bad parent? She doesn't know how to write her name, she doesn't recognize letters, etc. How have i just blown off this? Well i don't have a good reason other than...i have 3 kidos and 2 are just one year old and need a TON of my attention and well to be quite honest, i can HARDLY keep my head above water with just feeding them, keeping them somewhat clean, keeping the house and clothes clean, and of course keeping up my blog so i can remember all this in the years ahead and look back and laugh at my life and how i kept my head above water. SO, with all that being said, today i'm going to really get on the horse with Hannah.

I went to target this morning and was amazed at all the educational books they had. TONS & TONS of books for writing letters, learning shapes, learning spelling, numbers, etc. SO, i went over board and bought about 6 books. Some are really neat...you can trace over the number or letter and then wipe it off which is good so you don't just chunk the book once you've written in it. AWESOME! So with this, we are going to really start working with her. It's going to be a big challenge because i really can't do it with her during the day because of the girls. So, we may start a 30 minute "mommy and daddy/rotating out" play time upstairs away from the girls. We'll take Hannah upstairs and sit at her table and just work with her...go over things and repeat. I DO NOT want this to be a horrible experience for her so i'm not going to force it on her. Instead, she will get rewarded with presents once she learns something really well.

So, that was my day. Shopping at target and thinking about getting the ball moving on Hannah's education. My desire for her is so unexplainable. I want so much for her. I want her to like school first of all. I want her to enjoy learning. I want her to succeed...but i don't want to push her so hard that she hates it. I want her to FINISH college(if you know me you know i have YET to finish because i couldnt' afford it before and then when i finally went back after having Hannah i got pregnant with the twins and had to drop out). I also want her to be something great in life. I want her to make something great of herself. I want her to be happy with her choices in life and really do the best she can do. I want her to make lots of money...so she can pay for Paul & My nursing home living by the beach...(JUST KIDDING). I have very strong feelings about learning because i don't really have great memories of myself learning and being happy with it. I have some really bad memories that i don't want to go into about learning and being taught at home. One that i really remember was needing help sometimes...and my parents just telling me to figure it out...so i'd sit in the back and cry...helpless. I'm not going to do that! I'm going to sit by her side and help her..guide her and probably learn a ton of stuff myself. :) I don't blame my parents for the way i was educated back when, I just don't think back then there were the resources for parents as there are these days. So in all reality, i'm going to take advantage of those resources and really participate...i'm going to go back to PRE-K, 1st grade, 2nd grade, etc. If we learn together it'll be fun for both of us...not punishment or dread of school and homework.

Anyway, so back to my point. This week, probably tomorrow, i'm really going to start to Pump her up about Mom & Hannah time...and the AWESOME NEW BOOK I BOUGHT JUST FOR HER AND I! Then, we'll go upstairs and do some fun learning. I don't want to set any goals for me & Hannah...because i don't know where we are and how fast she'll be able to take in all the things we'll be learning. I don't want to over achieve...i want to learn at HER pace. So, as we learn something new i'll check that off my list and we'll move on.

Well that's all for now. I better run and get some house work done before i go pick up my girls! BTW, i was SOOOO PROUD of the twins today. I got to school and pulled Sarah out of the car...she was fighting me to put her down, which i NEVER do because we're in the parking lot and it's easier to just pick up one, go to the other side of the car, get the other one out..help Hannah out the same door and carry them all the way in to their classroom. Well today Sarah had something else in mind. She was squirming and squirming...trying hard to get out of my arms. So i hurried up...got them all out...got all the way into the building and couldn't hold Sarah any longer. I put them both down(which i never do) and let them hold my hands and walk to the classroom! You wouldn't believe it but THEY DID AWESOME! They walked all the way to their classroom...knew exactly where it was, mind you. I opened the door and they WALKED INTO THE CLASSROOM! AMAZING!! I MEAN AMAZING! I was sooo extatic i could hardly contain myself. The girls are FINALLY used to school and seem to actually like it. Not one cry, not one whimper....just walked right on in! HALLELUIA! It was an awesome feeling.

And one last note, i'm officially wedding ring less! NO, it's not what you think. You see, when i got prego with Hananh my fingers were so swollen that i couldn't wear my ring. After she was born, i lost all but about 10lbs before i got pregnant again with the girls. After i had lost all but that last 10lbs i could FINALLY wear my wedding ring again. Well, then the girls came along and once again i put all the weight back on. Well for the past month i've really been working hard on loosing the weight. I'm embarassed to say i have a good 20 more lbs to loose...BUT i've lost 10 in one month and i'm SOO proud. With that being said, on our anniversary last year Paul finally decided to get my ring resized(larger) so that it would fit since i hadn't really worn it in a while because it was too tight. Well, as of the last few days...it doesn't fit anymore. It's BIG now! I know i know...we wasted a bit of money resizing it to fit...but i'm SOO excited because i already feel soo much better from loosing that 10lbs. My clothes that were hardly fitting are now sagging on me...and it's almost time to go buy SMALLER clothes...which will be so exciting. My goal is to loose as much as possible before our big trip(check counter above)...and i think i can do it! I have done really great with not eating as much, totally cut out diet drinks, have maybe a half glass of wine with dinner(sometimes none at all), cut out the beer completely, don't snack when i give the girls snacks, etc. So, i told Paul if i reach my goal weight by August of THIS year...he'll know exactly what i want for our anniversary! My ring re-sized back to normal...back to the my 5.5 which is right where i was when we got married, O yeah and a new target/jcp wardrobe...LOL!